It was in the days before the Great War of 1914-18. An
extended family of about twelve members had been on holiday in
Culross, across the Forth from their hometown, the mining town of
Bo'ness. There was no bridge then, just a converted lifeboat. It
had been bought cheaply by "Old Spowart" when the
R.N.L.I. were selling some off.
Spowart was character, not really a seaman at all, with
the added handicap of having only one leg. He and his crewman used
to push a cart round the town, collecting scrap , any old rubbish.
Yet the two of them managed the big boat fine, and Spowart could
hop around very nimbly on his wooden pin. He had just been
converted, like his boat, and was always spouting scripture and
handing out religious tracts to the passengers he took up and down
the Forth. He had a powerful bass voice and sang with the
Salvation Army.
The holiday had come to an end, and on a very blowy day,
the miserable group of holiday-makers waited, all the while
becoming more irritable as time passed with no sign of Spowart.
At last the little boat was spotted. Sometimes riding high
out of the water, then disappearing under a big wave. Finally she
shot in to the jetty, Spowart hopping around on his wooden leg,
shouting to his man. They made her fast and Spowart giving firm
assurances that, though it had been rough, he would get everyone
home safely. Spowart had rigged up a tarpaulin but the waves kept
breaking over the huddled family, who were soon soaked through.
Mewanwhile, the boat didn't seem to be making much
headway. Spowart then decided to cheer the company by singing
hymns, but no-one felt inclined to join in his rendition of
"Throw out the lifeline across the wild wave ....
The boat was unable to put in at Bo'ness and made for
South Queenferry. Again unable to make port safely, Spowart
managed to put the boat about and headed upstream again for
Culross. Making headway at last when a fierce gust of wind struck
the boat. Spowart thought this would be a good moment to start
singing "Will your anchor hold?" Then the sail rope
broke and the sail began flapping wildly all over the place. This
was the last straw for Aunt Jessie. Staggering to her feet she
shook her fist at the skipper, and shouted, "Help!Help!Spowart
are ye tryin' tae droon us a'?"
Old Spowart, struggling gamely with the sail, angrily
retorted, "Sit doon , wumman, ye'll cowp the boat!"
The boat continued to drift helplessly in the storm for a time
until Spowart, who had been trying to put a brave face on things,
finally disclosed the gravity of the situation, announcing "We're
a' in God's hands noo."
"Is it as bad as that, Spowart? " responded Aunt
Jessie.
Somehow they weathered the storm and made it back to
Culross. On the next day, the weather was fine and Spowart was all
set to ferry the little party back to Bo'ness. Aunt Jessie was
having none of it and Spowart was very offended. "Ye'll
surely trust the Lord wha brocht you up oot o' the deep waters
wumman?"
Aunt Jessie looked at him stonily over her spectacles, "It's
no that I dinna trust the Lord, Spowart, it's jist that I prefer
the brig at Stirling."
Abridged from the May 1972 issue of The Scots Magazine, "Sit
Doon, Ye'll Cowp the Boat!" as told by Winifred MacDonald.
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